Motherhood

A friend of mine just had her first child. . .a beautiful son.  As I was looking over the pictures they posted of this young child of God and future tender warrior for the Lord, my thoughts drifted to our own similar photographs 4 years ago–the surgery room, blue scrubs, proud Daddy gazing lovingly into his own “flesh of my flesh,” Mommy drugged and happy, and baby, cold and confused, but soon to begin exploring the world hungrily.

I think I was more scared of labor than I was of bringing our son home and raising him.  That quickly changed and although I realized that motherhood is all of the wonderful things I had heard it would be, times one hundred (truly), it was also more overwhelming and unnerving than I was ever told it would be.  I know I’m not alone in feeling these things.  But does it ever seem like all we see are the mothers that make being vomited on and dealing with whining all day look like something glamorous and part of their deepest desires?  Maybe it’s something internal that tells us that we are “supposed to be” a certain way.  Maybe the pressure we put on ourselves should be talked about more.  I’ll start.  And I commit to talking about these things on a regular basis here in the Parenting section of this blog.  I invite you to join me.

“Unfulfilled Something”:  I’ll admit it.  The first few months to a year was tough.  As much as I loved my time at home with Joshua, there were moments when I felt so unfulfilled, I was ashamed of myself.  Motherhood is “supposed to be” the career that meets all of your heart’s longings, right?  Well, motherhood is also very monotonous, and it’s very easy to find yourself wanting to scream in boredom or cry from the lack of adult conversation.  But somehow admitting these feelings is a no-no to us.  Why?  Does giving them a voice make it too real?  Does it make us feel guilt?  (We will touch on guilt in subsequent blogs.)  I know for myself, I felt like I was being an ingrate to have any complaints or selfish to wonder if there was more to my life than diapers, Elmo, and the two-minute shower. 

Then I came across an excellent quote from an anonymous source:

“God is calling me to the high position of mothering and I am choosing to die a thousand small deaths to myself every single day while at the same time falling more in love with [my children].  I choose to say “yes” to God and follow His lead into the hidden life of a stay-at-home mom.  God is meeting me there.  In the hidden-ness I am discovering the holy.”

And this quote from G.K. Chesterton:

“To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors, and holidays; to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheet cakes, and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it.  How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe?  How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone?  No, a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.”

And I read a book called The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child’s Heart for Eternity.  Excellent book!

And I prayed.

And after some time of dying to myself and being reinvigorated with the knowledge that God has given me the privilege of raising this child who will become, in large part, who his Daddy and I teach him to be, I realized that my feelings were normal, but they didn’t have to consume me, define me, or taint the profoundness of this career to which I am committed.  I was on the right track, regardless of how my flesh felt at those times, and continues to feel at times, and it will get better.  Our reward as mothers–that fulfilled feeling, if you will–does not always immediately follow a hard day’s work.  Many times it is years later, but even when our children don’t see the good we pour into their lives, God sees, and he is pleased.

A Prayer for My Son on His Birthday

What a beautiful adventure we are on together, my precious son.  My wholehearted prayer for you is that you will be “rooted and established in love” (Ephesians 3:17) — my deep and unconditional love for you and your heavenly Father’s inexhaustible love for you – and surrounded by loving family and friends who encourage and support you.  I pray that you dream big and become all that God has created your little heart to desire.

I pray that you stay close by God’s side even when it is the road less traveled, and that you live with conviction and stand for truth at every opportunity.  I pray that you are healthy and safe and that you feel God’s protective arms around you when you go into the world.  I pray that you never doubt your Mommy and Daddy’s deep desire to be the very best parents for you, and even during those moments when we fail, may you trust God to fill in those gaps with His unfailing love.

May your life be built on the wisdom of God and a discerning heart.  May God “fill you with the knowledge of His will  through all spiritual wisdom and understanding” (Colossians 1:9), and may “the eyes of your heart be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, and the riches of His glorious inheritance” (Ephesians 1:18).

Above all, may our daily prayers for you, because of God’s mighty power, help to clearly light your path and lead you to become an instrument of His grace, righteousness and love.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Recommended Books on Parenting

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart is about moving beyond the behavior your child exhibits to actually teaching the heart, based on biblical right and wrong. 

 

Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel

Some of the most creative approaches to discipline I’ve ever read, arranged in a simple format.

 

 The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson

What is our mission as mothers and how can we best embrace it?

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