No Better Feeling Than Serving Together

When I woke up this morning, I had the thought that maybe I was thrown out of a second story window overnight. My husband and I (with about 8 others from our Life Group) had just spent 14 hours remodeling the family room of a disabled couple. Now we were incredibly sore.

But after I started to adjust to the fatigue and pain, I had the best feeling in the world–that feeling of having spent a whole day thinking of someone other than myself, of helping a couple that was stuck in a rut of disability and a house in such need of repair that it probably only contributed to their ill-health, and of working side by side with my husband as we served the Lord.

I even enjoyed learning a new skill–installing a Swiftlock wood floor with a vapor barrier underneath. And as I looked at the finished room, with the newly painted taupe-colored walls and fresh trim, the new wheelchair ramp that our friend spend a few hours carefully and meticulously constructing, and the beautiful floor, I thought back over the day and how the Lord’s hand was in it all. I saw the family that uses this home standing around us with a glimmer of hope in their eyes–hope that the physical pain and limitations, the hospital visits, and the daily frustrations will somehow be made more bearable because of this newly remodeled room to lift their spirits. I think back over how God worked through other people’s hands–people that were not there physically helping us transform this room, but people that were a part of God’s work nonetheless. The manager at Lowe’s who gave us a steep discount on the Swiftlock floor. . .yet another generous manager at a second Lowe’s who bought us the floor trim out of his own money and was ready to give up his Saturday to come help us himself after just meeting us. . .the Grandma’s and Papa’s who babysat all the kids and entertained them for a full day and night in order for the Moms and Dads to work. . .the restaurant owner who provided a free and delicious lunch for all of us. . .the owner’s son who bought us a pizza dinner. . .the grandchildren of the home owners who pitched in and helped paint the front door. . .and God’s favor in that the city dump (which normally costs $30 per truckload) was FREE on the day we needed four loads (this happens once a quarter, and we had no idea when we went). God was there, leading up to this day and during the day. He provided. He encouraged. He uplifted. He enabled. And He showed many people His glory that day, many of whom may have been unbelievers.

The body of Christ in action is a beautiful thing. We could not have completed that room without every single person that contributed to that day, with their unique and God-given spiritual gifts and their willingness to step outside of themselves and help another family. I feel closer to those in our Life Group as a result and I know our lives are changed for the better. I am especially grateful that the Lord allowed me to serve with my husband, as I am now convinced that it is also a beautiful thing to see the one you love serving another human being. It is an experience that I hope we can have together many times over again, and it’s something that I will recommend during those times that we encounter a difficult period in our marriage. . .for I’ve learned this weekend that there really is no better feeling than serving together!

Reality TV

I’m embarrassed to say that I am at all caught up in the reality TV couple Jon & Kate.  And a disclaimer:  I’ve only watched the show about 5 times total, but I have read their book, so keep that in mind when I offer my opinions. 

Part of me feels quite played by those two, as well as TLC which airs the show.  How much of what we see between them is for entertainment purposes. . .drama for the camera?

But for the part that is not a performance–and given the fact that the “big announcement” that is all over the media scheduled for tonight is rumored to be a divorce–here is what I feel:

I feel very sad for this couple.  They are obviously in pain about their relationship.  Marriage is tough, and I can only assume those difficulties are magnified when you have 8 children and a camera in your face all day.  However, I am also very sad for those children.  Media reports say that these kids do not want this intrusion into their lives and it is the parent’s job to put raising their children ABOVE financial gain.

Which brings me to why I’m angry, and I will express myself while still reserving judgment, since I do not know all the facts.  I’m upset because, if in fact a divorce is in the works, a family is being broken apart without the very obvious best option of all being tried–stop doing the show and focus on your marriage!  (Ok, there was a little judgment in that)  Have they given that  a try?  It seems like such an obvious, common sense choice and yet, it seems that option was skipped right over on the road to divorce court and broken families.

After reading Multiple Blessings by Jon & Kate, I know that they have a personal relationship with the Lord.  We know that through Christ we can do all things.  I’m not saying that they may not have very real issues of pain and anger and difficulty between them. . .most marriages go through that to some degree. . .I’m just saying why can’t they go through these things OFF camera, and see if that makes a difference.  Give God a chance to repair the damage in their marriage without the seemingly stronger pull of financial gain (reports are that they are paid quite well for each episode). 

“No one can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and Money.”  (Matthew 6:24).

This leads me to my 2 new favorite words that I read this weekend in a Max Lucado book called Facing Your Giants.

BUT GOD

No matter what it is that tempts us, scares us, pains us, derails us, or ails us. . .no matter why we want to give up or give in. . .and no matter how seemingly insurmountable the odds. . .

BUT GOD

There is nothing more to say, right?  And that’s not because our problems are small, it is because our God is huge!  For those of us who know the awesome power of Creator God, Savior God, Redeemer God, those two words stop whatever “what if,” “if only,” or “but” we can possibly say.  And so, to Jon & Kate, or to any of you out there that are suffering deeply in a marriage, with a physical ailment, or are in emotional turmoil, I think God is asking us to remember Him. . .His power, His omniscience, His omnipresence. . .because He “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20).  That is Truth.

I’m praying for Jon & Kate. . .and for the marriages all over the U.S. and world that are crumbling at the Enemy’s suggestion and to his great delight.

From Happiness to Holiness in Marriages

Why are marriages failing at an alarming rate?  And why are fewer people deciding to get married at all, choosing instead to co-habitate?  According to MarriageToday.org, more than 50% of marriages are now ending in divorce, and “for the first time in our nation’s history, married-couple households are in the minority.” 

I won’t paint all divorces under one broad brush, but I will bet that one significant contributing factor is that we have allowed our culture to teach us to seek self-centered happiness over God-centered holiness.  Actually, we have had this “flesh” with us since sin was introduced in the Garden of Eden, and the culture reinforces it daily.  Whether we divorce because of infidelity (one spouse seeking their happiness over their marital commitment), unmet expectations (we feel that we have a “right” to our happiness), or we’ve fallen out of love, our culture has taught us that these are all valid reasons and that divorce need not be a big deal anymore.  In fact, I’ve even heard psychologists say that it is better for the kids if the parents divorce rather than live in conflict.  I’m not so sure that I agree (although I am not talking about cases where there is blatant, unrepentant sexual or physical abuse of the spouse or children–those are incredibly valid reasons to, at the least, legally separate).

I’m not saying that marriage is easy.  And I’m not passing judgment on those who have been through a divorce.  I’m simply looking at the culture that we live in and watching as those secular and anti-biblical values and worldviews penetrate our marriages, Christian or otherwise, all over the country and world.  I’ve weathered difficult times in my marriage – times that others may have looked in on us and encouraged us to divorce.  That’s what society would have said to us.  But what if marriage was God’s avenue to make us more like Him, rather than perfectly happy (as defined by us)?  As I celebrate my anniversary with my husband this week, I am reminded of one of the most profound marriage books I have ever read called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  In this book, Thomas makes a very compelling case that “God designed marriage to make us HOLY more than to make us HAPPY.”  He says, “If I’m married only for my happiness, and my happiness wanes for whatever reason, one little spark will burn the entire forest of my relationship.” 

When I think of the first year of my own marriage when my happiness hinged on what my husband did or didn’t do, and likewise for him, that inevitably led to problems and conflicts, which unfortunately would lead to occasional uses of the word “divorce.”  I realized that it really can be just that easy to arrive at that word.  But when I focus on what God wants to refine in me through my marriage, it becomes not about me, but about God.  And we found that marriage has made us confront our own selfishness and pride more than any other relationship we have ever encountered, or probably ever will. 

Thomas confirms this throughout the book, as you can see through these chapter subtitles:

• Marital analogies teach us truths about God
• Marriage teaches us to love
• Marriage teaches us to respect others
• Good marriage can foster good prayer
• How marriage exposes our sin
• Building the spiritual discipline of perseverance
• Embracing difficulty in order to build character
• Marriage teaches us to forgive
• Marriage can build in us a servant’s heart
• Marriage can make us more aware of God’s presence
• Marriage can develop our spiritual calling, mission, and purpose

When we allow marriage to teach us these things, we will find that we are focusing more on becoming holy as Christ is holy, and not as much on making our spouse conform to our image.  Easier said than done, yes, but if we are spending our life contributing to an eternal reward rather than earthly happiness, then isn’t it worth it?

I highly recommend Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

Marriage: What We See

My sister and I are undertaking a huge painting project.  We are painting-by-numbers a 10×7 foot jungle mural on my son’s bedroom wall.  I have considerably less experience with this kind of tedious craft work than she does. . .and it shows.  My shaky hand is falling outside the lines more times than I can count.  What I am counting on is that no one will examine the job that I’ve done up close.  From a foot or two away, this is shaping up to be quite a professional looking mural.  I could have a lot of people fooled.  But if you were to step up to the wall and study the fine details, you might see all of my flaws.  They are there either way, but if were looking for them, they might be all that you would see, and then you’d miss the big picture.

It was then that I realized that this is what we do in marriage far too many times. . .what I do in my marriage.

We are in close proximity to another human being when we are married.  We are with them day in and day out.  And we have an important choice to make.  Are we going to look for the flaws?  Because, if so, we will certainly see them.  Or are we going to step back just enough to see what a beautiful masterpiece our mate can be as God, the Artist, works through them.

Ouch, I hate the conviction I’m feeling.

Recommended Books on Marriage

 Sacred Marriage by Gary L. Thomas

An amazing book that puts marriage in perspective.  God did not promise that marriage would make us happy.  He is using it to make us holy.

 

Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

What a simple message!  Men desire respect.  Women long for love.  Get off the Crazy Cycle for good.

 

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

An essential book on marital communication.  We all have a love language–a primary way that we receive and feel love.  Learn to speak your spouse’s language and teach them to speak yours!

 

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

What can be more powerful than praying for your spouse?  Stormie Omartian writes in a compassionate way and has beautiful and personalizable prayers for nearly every occasion.  (See also The Power of a Praying Husband)