No Better Feeling Than Serving Together

When I woke up this morning, I had the thought that maybe I was thrown out of a second story window overnight. My husband and I (with about 8 others from our Life Group) had just spent 14 hours remodeling the family room of a disabled couple. Now we were incredibly sore.

But after I started to adjust to the fatigue and pain, I had the best feeling in the world–that feeling of having spent a whole day thinking of someone other than myself, of helping a couple that was stuck in a rut of disability and a house in such need of repair that it probably only contributed to their ill-health, and of working side by side with my husband as we served the Lord.

I even enjoyed learning a new skill–installing a Swiftlock wood floor with a vapor barrier underneath. And as I looked at the finished room, with the newly painted taupe-colored walls and fresh trim, the new wheelchair ramp that our friend spend a few hours carefully and meticulously constructing, and the beautiful floor, I thought back over the day and how the Lord’s hand was in it all. I saw the family that uses this home standing around us with a glimmer of hope in their eyes–hope that the physical pain and limitations, the hospital visits, and the daily frustrations will somehow be made more bearable because of this newly remodeled room to lift their spirits. I think back over how God worked through other people’s hands–people that were not there physically helping us transform this room, but people that were a part of God’s work nonetheless. The manager at Lowe’s who gave us a steep discount on the Swiftlock floor. . .yet another generous manager at a second Lowe’s who bought us the floor trim out of his own money and was ready to give up his Saturday to come help us himself after just meeting us. . .the Grandma’s and Papa’s who babysat all the kids and entertained them for a full day and night in order for the Moms and Dads to work. . .the restaurant owner who provided a free and delicious lunch for all of us. . .the owner’s son who bought us a pizza dinner. . .the grandchildren of the home owners who pitched in and helped paint the front door. . .and God’s favor in that the city dump (which normally costs $30 per truckload) was FREE on the day we needed four loads (this happens once a quarter, and we had no idea when we went). God was there, leading up to this day and during the day. He provided. He encouraged. He uplifted. He enabled. And He showed many people His glory that day, many of whom may have been unbelievers.

The body of Christ in action is a beautiful thing. We could not have completed that room without every single person that contributed to that day, with their unique and God-given spiritual gifts and their willingness to step outside of themselves and help another family. I feel closer to those in our Life Group as a result and I know our lives are changed for the better. I am especially grateful that the Lord allowed me to serve with my husband, as I am now convinced that it is also a beautiful thing to see the one you love serving another human being. It is an experience that I hope we can have together many times over again, and it’s something that I will recommend during those times that we encounter a difficult period in our marriage. . .for I’ve learned this weekend that there really is no better feeling than serving together!

From Happiness to Holiness in Marriages

Why are marriages failing at an alarming rate?  And why are fewer people deciding to get married at all, choosing instead to co-habitate?  According to MarriageToday.org, more than 50% of marriages are now ending in divorce, and “for the first time in our nation’s history, married-couple households are in the minority.” 

I won’t paint all divorces under one broad brush, but I will bet that one significant contributing factor is that we have allowed our culture to teach us to seek self-centered happiness over God-centered holiness.  Actually, we have had this “flesh” with us since sin was introduced in the Garden of Eden, and the culture reinforces it daily.  Whether we divorce because of infidelity (one spouse seeking their happiness over their marital commitment), unmet expectations (we feel that we have a “right” to our happiness), or we’ve fallen out of love, our culture has taught us that these are all valid reasons and that divorce need not be a big deal anymore.  In fact, I’ve even heard psychologists say that it is better for the kids if the parents divorce rather than live in conflict.  I’m not so sure that I agree (although I am not talking about cases where there is blatant, unrepentant sexual or physical abuse of the spouse or children–those are incredibly valid reasons to, at the least, legally separate).

I’m not saying that marriage is easy.  And I’m not passing judgment on those who have been through a divorce.  I’m simply looking at the culture that we live in and watching as those secular and anti-biblical values and worldviews penetrate our marriages, Christian or otherwise, all over the country and world.  I’ve weathered difficult times in my marriage – times that others may have looked in on us and encouraged us to divorce.  That’s what society would have said to us.  But what if marriage was God’s avenue to make us more like Him, rather than perfectly happy (as defined by us)?  As I celebrate my anniversary with my husband this week, I am reminded of one of the most profound marriage books I have ever read called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  In this book, Thomas makes a very compelling case that “God designed marriage to make us HOLY more than to make us HAPPY.”  He says, “If I’m married only for my happiness, and my happiness wanes for whatever reason, one little spark will burn the entire forest of my relationship.” 

When I think of the first year of my own marriage when my happiness hinged on what my husband did or didn’t do, and likewise for him, that inevitably led to problems and conflicts, which unfortunately would lead to occasional uses of the word “divorce.”  I realized that it really can be just that easy to arrive at that word.  But when I focus on what God wants to refine in me through my marriage, it becomes not about me, but about God.  And we found that marriage has made us confront our own selfishness and pride more than any other relationship we have ever encountered, or probably ever will. 

Thomas confirms this throughout the book, as you can see through these chapter subtitles:

• Marital analogies teach us truths about God
• Marriage teaches us to love
• Marriage teaches us to respect others
• Good marriage can foster good prayer
• How marriage exposes our sin
• Building the spiritual discipline of perseverance
• Embracing difficulty in order to build character
• Marriage teaches us to forgive
• Marriage can build in us a servant’s heart
• Marriage can make us more aware of God’s presence
• Marriage can develop our spiritual calling, mission, and purpose

When we allow marriage to teach us these things, we will find that we are focusing more on becoming holy as Christ is holy, and not as much on making our spouse conform to our image.  Easier said than done, yes, but if we are spending our life contributing to an eternal reward rather than earthly happiness, then isn’t it worth it?

I highly recommend Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

Marriage: What We See

My sister and I are undertaking a huge painting project.  We are painting-by-numbers a 10×7 foot jungle mural on my son’s bedroom wall.  I have considerably less experience with this kind of tedious craft work than she does. . .and it shows.  My shaky hand is falling outside the lines more times than I can count.  What I am counting on is that no one will examine the job that I’ve done up close.  From a foot or two away, this is shaping up to be quite a professional looking mural.  I could have a lot of people fooled.  But if you were to step up to the wall and study the fine details, you might see all of my flaws.  They are there either way, but if were looking for them, they might be all that you would see, and then you’d miss the big picture.

It was then that I realized that this is what we do in marriage far too many times. . .what I do in my marriage.

We are in close proximity to another human being when we are married.  We are with them day in and day out.  And we have an important choice to make.  Are we going to look for the flaws?  Because, if so, we will certainly see them.  Or are we going to step back just enough to see what a beautiful masterpiece our mate can be as God, the Artist, works through them.

Ouch, I hate the conviction I’m feeling.